


Bedknobs & broomsticks

by Terfle



Category: Wicked - Schwartz/Holzman
Genre: Gen, IKEA, Parody, Reunions, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 09:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12478444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terfle/pseuds/Terfle
Summary: Fiyero, Glinda & Avaric congregate at Elphaba's place to catch up; drink wine and play snakes and ladders. Unfortunately Elphaba's new Ikea bed gets in the way





	Bedknobs & broomsticks

The four of them sat around the tiny table that served as the social point in Elphaba’s shabby garret. They were enjoying several glasses of wine, strong stuff that Avaric had brought from his stupendous mansion. Why he would want to hang out here instead of at his place, Elphaba couldn’t fathom. But no matter, he was here now and more importantly, so was the wine.

Glinda sat prettily on the stool allocated for her while the guys lounged on patched up beanbags. Elphaba sat cross legged as usual, ignoring Glinda’s pleas to get some real furniture and dump the ragbag bits of crap she used. Elphaba had conceded this was halfway true and had ordered a real bed from Ikea, it had arrived this morning. Pine wood with a nice mattress and everything. She thought she’d mention it now just to shut her up. It failed. Glinda squealed like a banshee and asked to see it _right now_. Sighing, Elphaba led the way, slightly unsteadily (the wine was a bit strong) to the new bed, majestic in that shabby room. Avaric raised an eyebrow.

Glinda bounced on the bed, pronounced it extremely bounceable. Fiyero lost interest and wanted to go back to the other room to play snakes and ladders; they didn’t have Ikea beds in the Vinkus.  Was Glinda coming? Glinda was not. She was going to bounce on the bed till they had finished snakes and ladders it seemed. Avaric decided to join her. Which left Elphaba half heartedly playing green counter to Fiyero’s rather enthusiastic blue counter. Every so often a bounce and a giggle left Elphaba fearing for her new acquisition. A thump heralded Avaric to make his exciting discovery behind the door.

‘Hey, what’s this? Looks kinky.’

‘It’s a broomstick Avaric’ said the green one, wearily without looking. ‘Put it down.’

‘Do you actually clean with this thing?’ he asked, peering at the decrepit oversized twig. ‘Or do you ride it?’ He began hopping around the room haphazardly, sending Glinda into a fit of laughter.

‘PUT . IT . DOWN!’

‘Ok, ok, no need to shout.’ He shoved it back and resumed bouncing on the new bed. Elphaba went back to the board to find that Fiyero had cheated and was nearly finishing the game, hoping she wouldn’t notice how he’d managed to climb up several ladders so quickly. Tosser.

She argued with him for some time, not managing to persuade him that when the other person left the room, he didn’t automatically get ten free goes of the dice. Before long a rhythmic creaking reached their ears, stopping their bickering short. There was definitely some more action going on than on the snakes and ladders board.

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?!’ shouted Elphaba furiously.

The answer was a series of squeaks and moans coming from the vicinity of the bed. The horny lovers were going full throttle on the new Ikea purchase.

‘You damage my bed, you pay for it!’ the green one bellowed at the top of her lungs. Fiyero fell about laughing, all accusations from the playing board forgotten. Entreating her not to spoil their fun, Elphaba went ballistic.

‘That’s MY bed they’re shagging to bits! You’d better not be breaking my bed up there!’

All in all, it was not the most popular reunion they had had. But it certainly was amusing.

 


End file.
